So, I've been thinking a lot recently about prettiness, and value, and worth, and all that stuff. I can get really depressed feeling like I look or act "average" or "normal", due to the fact that I have such a strong yearning to be unique and unusual. I feel (in a somewhat normal way, I suppose), like I could never meet someone who would love me enough to even consider marrying me. And that makes me really distressed sometimes. Because how could someone as "homely" as me possibly grab someone's attention? I try over and over to remind myself that beauty really comes from the quality of your soul, not the quality of your face. Your body, which, like everyone else in their tiny window of eternity, will eventually wear down and crumble. I never managed to really accept it.
But tonight, I think I suddenly understood for the first time. I looked at myself in the mirror, and it hit me: that my body - everyone's body - is a just vessel for their souls (and a vessel through which to serve God, in the case of Christians). Your body does not define you, you define your body. It's a reflection of your soul. When your soul shines, your body shines. When your soul dims, your body dims. Not the other way around. Or at least, it shouldn't be. Piercings, makeup, cool haircuts...these are just ways to personalize it. It's your body, you can change it how you want. I don't think all decisions people make are necessarily the best or maybe the wisest, but it's their life, they can do what they think best expresses themselves, what brings them joy. We need to learn to be more accepting of other people, and of ourselves.
I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that God made everybody special, and even if you, the special person reading this, don't believe in God, I hope that's still an encouragement. I really, honestly do. I've seen far too many people who hate themselves for things that aren't true. If someone says you're ugly, then chances are, they don't know who you really are, or perhaps they're the ones who are truly ugly. If your soul is beautiful from kindness, compassion, and love, then don't worry about your body. Your body reflects your soul, and if you walk with confidence of the beauty inside you, then your body will shine, too.
I know, as someone who's battled the sick monster that is Depression, just how difficult that can be. But I think you can do it. A bold statement, maybe, to some anonymous reader who I may never actually speak to. But I believe that God, even if you don't believe He exists (which is fine, each to his own), loves you tremendously and would never give you an emotional battle you can't win. I firmly believe that, just like everything else I've said in this journal. And as a related side note, I think that anyone who's ever had to deal with any sort of extreme mental stress, like depression or anxiety or PTSD or the like, needs to give themselves a serious pat on the back for being able to live with something like that. I know from experience how trying Depression is, so kudos to anyone who can deal with something like or related to that.
I honestly hope this long, probably somewhat disorganized wall of text somehow encouraged you or gave you strength in some way. Because that's mostly why I wrote this. Part of it was because I'm tired of keeping these heartfelt thoughts to myself all the time, and the other part was that I wanted to give anyone who happens to read this some encouragement, or at least give it my best shot. I apologize if there are any weird typos, I'm writing this at 1:45 in the morning on my iPod. Autocorrect + tired brain = lots of mistakes.
(EDIT: changed the journal skin, since the old one wouldn't show all of the text. I hope you can read all of it now!)
Reading: The Two Towers
Watching: Soul Eater
Playing: Xenoblade Chronicles